Celebrity Death Match Special: Usborne's First Thousand Words in Russian versus A Clockwork Orange
I'm out with my droogs and things are a bit skoochni and Dim says, Why don't we go crash a vecherniker? Horrorshow, I reply, there's one just down the ulitser. So we go in. Hello, malchiki and devochki, I say. No one says anything, they just look at me with these big scared glazers. I'm feeling a bit golodni, I say, mind if I have a couple of booterbrod? I help myself and my droogs do as well, then I look around. There's this little devochka, no groodi of course but quite krasivi all the same, so I put my rooker up her platyeh by way of introducing myself. But she starts placking, and then they all start placking and things get a bit out of hand. We figure it's time to hodeet.
When I get back to the doma, the babooshka is waiting for me. So have you been reading the Usborne? she says. Da, I say, I've learned fifty slovoes already. I love that horrorshow kniger. Don't you mean horrorshooyoo knigoo? she says before she can stop herself. I knock her down on the pol and kick her a couple of times in the gulliver to make sure she gets it. Fuck gender agreement and fuck the accusative case, I say. Basic signifier/signified correspondences, that's what I'm after.No result: match abandoned after referee retired hurt.