Manny Rayner's book reviews

Some of the Alfons books have a tendency to moralize, but some of them are just having fun in a way that amuses small children. This is a having-fun book, and Gunnilla Bergström is kind enough to put in some jokes for the grown-up reader too.

She starts off by telling you about Dad, who always likes to be terribly organized. He has a whole set of rather dorky-sounding proverbs, which he brings out when Alfons, for example, is doing his usual early evening routine of eating dinner, watching TV and playing with his toy cars all at once. En sak i taget!, says Dad, meaning "One thing at a time!", or else he says Var sak har sin tid!, meaning "There's a right time for everything!". Evidently, like many men, he isn't very good at multi-tasking. We'll see just how bad shortly.

Dad has a bunch of these proverbs written out in cute calligraphy and taped to the wall. The child being read the story isn't going to get it, but the adult smiles when he sees that one of them says Det börjar med en silverskål och slutar med ett skattemål. Unfortunately, the foreigner isn't going to get it either, but let me try. There's a real Swedish proverb which goes Det börjar med en knappnål och slutar med en silverskål, meaning "You start with a pin, and end with a silver bowl"... it means that once you start being dishonest with small things, it inevitably ends with big ones. But in her modified version, you start with a silver bowl and end up being sued by the IRS, and it rhymes in the same way. Well, I assure you that it's very funny!

Anyway, let's get back to the story, which is definitely what the kids want to do. It's Saturday, and Dad, Alfons and Alfons's best friend Milla have just done their big shop. They've got stuff for the whole week, and now they have to put it away! Canned food and toilet paper and ice-cream and... all sorts of things. She presents the lists so that they sort of rhyme, which is fun. Dad, for once, is in a terrible hurry, because when they've finished they can chill out and enjoy lördagsfriden, "Saturday-peace-and-quiet". This isn't a normal Swedish expression - you can tell that it's one which Dad has made up, and which is in common use in their household. As noted, Bergström is very good with language.

So the three of them rush around putting stuff away. Finally, they're done. Time to relax! Alfons goes and sits in the closet, which appears to do duty as his den, and brings his big car book. It occurs to me to wonder where Milla has got to? I'm surprised I never thought of that before. But the dramatic high-point of the book is upon us. Suddenly, Alfons notices that there's something... DRIPPING ON HIM! He can't believe it. Whatever can it be? And when he looks on the shelf to investigate, he finds that they've somehow put the ice-cream where the winter underwear should have been. Not only that, but the underwear is in the wrong place too. They check the freezer. "Mmm, frozen long-johns!" says Milla sarcastically. "Ought to make a tasty dessert!"

The two kids have totally got Dad, and torture him for a page or two by feeding him back all his own proverbs. Didn't it occur to him that he ought to do things one a time, and that there was a right time for everything? Sweden is such a kind and democratic society, and it's been illegal to hit children for many decades now, so they know they can get away with it. Though I'm sure Dad doesn't think it's quite as funny as they do.

Finally, they have everything sorted out again. There won't be any ice-cream for dessert, but he makes pancakes instead, and there's nothing wrong with that. The underwear is drying in the bathroom. It's a bit weaker than most of her endings, but I still really like this book!