Another bandwagon I couldn't resist the urge to jump on...
ASIMOV: Good morning team. Now, I know you're all eager to get started on Authorised Murder
, but why don't we take a moment to introduce ourselves. You first.
ASIMOV: I'm Asimov. Overall concept. I'm proud to say that it's going to be a sexy, post-modernist mystery...
ASIMOV: You gotta be kidding. How are we ever-
ASIMOV: Shut up, Asimov. Next?
ASIMOV: Asimov. Plot and suspense.
ASIMOV: Like you're going to be able to do plot and suspense! I mean, if we'd had Asimov, it might have been different-
ASIMOV: I said shut up
, Asimov! Asimov is busy with Robot 8
, but I'm confident Asimov will do a fine job. Next!
ASIMOV: Asimov. Sex and romance.
ASIMOV: Oh come on Asimov, get real. What do you know about sex and romance? What was wrong with using Asimov?
ASIMOV: He's finishing The Gods Themselves
. But Asimov knows his stuff. I'm sure we've all read his books on dirty limericks, they're first class.
ASIMOV: Yeah, right. So okay, Asimov, what's the sex and romance going to be like?
ASIMOV: Well Asimov, I got a few ideas. One of the characters is gonna have this weird thing, he's into-
ASIMOV: Spare us the details, Asimov. Is that it?
ASIMOV: No way, Asimov, I was just getting started when you so rudely interrupted me! The weird thing, and then
I'm going to describe all the women's breasts every time I get an-
ASIMOV: Jesus Christ! It's worse than I thought. Why didn't we ask Asimov to do this part?
ASIMOV: He's just started Asimov's Guide to the Bible
. Booked up. And look, it's not so bad-
ASIMOV: Not so bad
ASIMOV: Like I said, not so bad. We don't have anyone to do characterization. Describing the women's breasts is a whole lot better than nothing at all.
ASIMOV: You mean, if we didn't know what their tits looked like we wouldn't be able to tell them apart?
ASIMOV: Asimov, stop being so negative. Tell us what you're doing instead.
ASIMOV: Post-modernism. I-
ASIMOV: I coulda guessed. So what's your idea of post-modernism, smartass?
ASIMOV: I'm making Asimov a character in the story. And he co-writes it with the narrator and they have little fights in the footnotes. It's sophisticated and droll-
ASIMOV: Ha! And you were laughing at Asimov. Asimov, why the heck didn't Asimov get this job?
ASIMOV: He's assigned to Asimov's Paradise Lost
until September. Stop whining, Asimov.
ASIMOV: Yeah, Asimov, he's right. We got a job to do. Deadline, remember?
ASIMOV: Sorry, Asimov.
ASIMOV: It's alright, Asimov.
ASIMOV: Thank you team, I knew you were all professionals. Now I want a first draft by Tuesday. That okay with everyone?
ASIMOV: Can we make it Wednesday, Asimov? I promised Asimov I'd lend him a hand with Hugo Winners Volume III
ASIMOV: Fair enough, Asimov. Wednesday it is. Nine o'clock start?
ASIMOV: Sure, Asimov.
ASIMOV: Good with me, Asimov.
ASIMOV: No problem, Asimov.
ASIMOV: Great! Now come on guys, no time to lose. Let's get writing.