For the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament, Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management (16) versus War and Peace (17)
- Count Tolstoy, to what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?
- Mrs Beeton, admit defeat. Your goose is cooked.
- What, already? Let me check the thermometer... no, still well under 180 degrees, so I'm relieved to see you are mistaken. But that reminds me, I must put on the potatoes and beans. I apologise, I'd love to chat, but this is a rather busy moment. Could you pass me the salt? No, not that box, the sea salt, it's down at the bottom near the back. Oh, I'm sorry you banged your head. I must find a better place to put it.
- Yes, of course, sit down by all means. How dreadful, you suddenly look quite faint. Perhaps it's a little too hot in here, but, as they say, if you can't stand the heat...MATCH POINT MRS BEETON