For the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament, Hamlet (4) versus To Kill a Mockingbird (20)
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I would like to start by saying how sorry I am to be here today. I considered the deceased a friend. I tried to convince him to act fairly and rationally, in accordance with the best principles of the Danish Constitution. It was easy to understand why he was upset, but, in all honesty, I could not accept that his evidence amounted to proof. The "ghost" he claimed he saw on two occasions - well, we have just heard Mr. Horatio's testimony, and I freely admit that, as he says, there are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamed of in his philosophy. All the same, no court would have considered it admissible. The incident of the play was, I agree, far more compelling. Several witnesses - Miss Poloniusdatter was very eloquent - have provided us with their accounts. They coincide well with the one Mr. Hamlet gave me. I went absolutely as far as I could to help him. I told him I thought it warranted further investigation, and I promised in writing - I will show you the letter in a moment - that I would take steps to appoint a Special Prosecutor, as specified in Article 312, paragraphs iv) and v). I honestly don't think many lawyers would have done that. I was taking a serious professional risk, but I believed it was the right thing to do. I'm sorry? Did you say timeframe? I was just coming to that. I said I would progress the case as fast as I could. I thought I would be able to get the Special Prosecutor appointed within as little as eight months, and if things went well we would have convened a Grand Jury by April 1602. We could have been looking at a trial by early 1603. Yes, that is correct, I do remember him talking about the law's delay. He's not the first person I've heard say that. And I'm sorry, I didn't know what a fardel was. I still don't. Maybe someone could tell me?
Your honor, I have tried to answer all your questions to the best of my ability. If I had been able to stop Mr. Hamlet from killing himself, I would have done so. Please don't clap. I don't deserve your applause. I wish I could have done better. What do you mean, I've won? This isn't a contest. No one has won here, least of all me.